Ugh…
I just started and I am feeling overwhelmed. It seems to be my pattern. Start a bunch of things that I have fleeting interest in and then get caught up in just the thought of following through with what I have started and then giving up.
I want to make a change, break this habit. But, it feels like I have so much fighting against me. It is all things I have put myself up to and things I think about. It’s paralyzing. It’s fear. I have this nagging voice in my mind that discourages me from following through.
No one will read it, why would you write that, etc., etc.. But then I think, why should it matter? I am doing this for me, as an outlet, as a way to express myself. I should just let go and say what I want to say.
I know breaking my habits and building new ones will be tough. I don’t want to break into the Change Journal I bought just yet or it’ll probably end up being just another thing I give up.
It’s almost the same as the bullet journal that I started initially to track my pain. I was tracking for a solid 1.5 months. Then the time between days I would sit and try to remember how my pain was over a couple days then it grew into a week and more. Eventually I stopped picking up my journal.
So, I’m going to try to stick to this. I’m not going to give myself deadlines or goals to meet. I am just going to write what I want to when I want to. I think that might work out for me for now. And, maybe then, I’ll be able to make this a habit.